God, Is There A Cat in Heaven?

One morning a few weeks after Tiger’s disappearance, I suddenly asked the Lord in prayer, “God, is there a cat in heaven? If there is, then I am more than blessed to see Tiger there someday.”

Losing a pet, for me, has always been the same as losing a family.
I lost one recently, and perhaps I’m still on the acceptance stage.

Almost two months since he’s gone, I’m going through the familiar pang of heartache I’ve known years ago, whenever I lost a pet.

My reactions to a sudden loss after being hyper-attached to animals were emotionally intense: I hid myself for hours, cried for days, sulked for weeks, in pain for months, till I learned to live with it through the years, and forced my brain to forget everything. I even promised myself not to get involved with animals, or raise any.

It so happened, I couldn’t turn a blind eye to domestic animals who are in need of help right before my very eyes…

Tiger’s one of the three rescued cats I brought home last year from the metro. He grew up to be a sweet, hunting cat. He lived up to his name and undoubtedly, he was the first to go farther, indeed farther from home, and never came back.

Losing one, I realized that some pain remain the same and will be forever part of life no matter how old you get. But one thing is different now. Proud to say, I somehow learned to feel, bear, and manage that kind of pain! More importantly, I now find comfort at the proper place—in God’s presence—where the loss no longer overwhelms me. It no longer controls nor restricts me: If I have to give home to animals again, I’ll do it one more time despite knowing I might not be able to keep them that long—overcoming the fear of abandonment and separation.

To my Tiger,
Sorry for not being able to protect you till the end, but thank you once again for sharing your life with me. I don't know if you are alive or now dead, but I do hope you're in a better place. My mind says it's unsure if we ever get to see each other someday, but my heart says otherwise, and so I pray that we will. Thank you for providing emotional support, sweet hugs and kisses, and for keeping me company when I was in isolation. I will never forget you, my little one!